A Side Job...

I don't watch too many late night talk shows, but I have always noticed celebrities have these elaborate, sometimes life changing, stories for Dave or Jay or Conan. And I have always wondered if these so-called stories are fully true. That being said, I would like to be the first "Celebrity Faux Experience Writer".
Given a few details about this celebrity's recent history (vacations, movie sets, relationships, etc.) I could produce a detailed, fail-proof, completely false, amazing story for their next moment on the small screen. Better yet, I could produce a story that could be relative to a movie in production that fits the overall premise of the storyline (the movie's that is). This could be the new wave of publicity. Imagine, no more real-life "instances" in which celebrities require poor publicity for the sake of any publicity. Now they can just sit back, throw some ideas at their publicist and watch their once shaky, exposed lifestyle come to rest on paper...this, of course, is not to say that they will stop the antics and lead a composed, balanced life.
Here are some examples for those celebs who have been "out of the loop":

Chevy Chase
"So, I'm talking to my wife and she begins to explain how her mother wants to re-live the experience of raising a child. Apparently this has been on her mind for several months and she and my wife have been seriously discussing plans to bring another child into her 78 year old life. As I am struggling to grasp this potential reality and bring reason to a menopausal wife with a delirious mother, I am slowly being convinced that this could be, for a lack of better words, 'fun'. What is more insane, my mother-in-law wants there to be some sort of family/blood connection with the child. Being that their clocks has stopped ticking, I am now the only one who has the ability the spread the seed. As a result, less than a month ago, I found myself sitting on a doctor's table in a paper robe discussing the procedure of creating a child for my near-elderly mother-in-law. After a few weeks of logical thought, we decided that she should just get a Jack Russel terrier."
Roseanne:
"I haven't eaten fast food in years. But I finally decided to have a chicken sandwich from McDonald's and was incredibly pleased with everything but their food. I couldn't believe how well-mannered and courteous the employees were and how clean the bathrooms had been kept. I was even more amazed at how enthusiastic the fry-maker was about his incredibly mundane task. When I ordered my sandwich, the cashier genuinely asked if I would 'like fries and a drink with that', as if it was their first time she was able to ask that question all day."
"If you may or may not know, Jay (or Dave or Conan), I used to work in a fast food restaurant and have recently decided that I would volunteer for a couple days a month at this little Dairy Queen outside of James, Wyoming (or where ever) as the window cashier. I thought I would fit in like the rest of them, but it turns out that I no longer possess the patience or team morale that DQ employees so eloquently exert. None-the-less, I avoid any work and now only stop in to buy an Oreo blizzard at the times I agreed to volunteer. And so they hate me."
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Actually, he's got nothing after he decided to star in Snow Dogs.