I don't watch too many late night talk shows, but I have always noticed celebrities have these elaborate, sometimes life changing, stories for Dave or Jay or Conan. And I have always wondered if these so-called stories are fully true. That being said, I would like to be the first "Celebrity Faux Experience Writer".
Given a few details about this celebrity's recent history (vacations, movie sets, relationships, etc.) I could produce a detailed, fail-proof, completely false, amazing story for their next moment on the small screen. Better yet, I could produce a story that could be relative to a movie in production that fits the overall premise of the storyline (the movie's that is). This could be the new wave of publicity. Imagine, no more real-life "instances" in which celebrities require poor publicity for the sake of any publicity. Now they can just sit back, throw some ideas at their publicist and watch their once shaky, exposed lifestyle come to rest on paper...this, of course, is not to say that they will stop the antics and lead a composed, balanced life.
Here are some examples for those celebs who have been "out of the loop":
Chevy Chase
"So, I'm talking to my wife and she begins to explain how her mother wants to re-live the experience of raising a child. Apparently this has been on her mind for several months and she and my wife have been seriously discussing plans to bring another child into her 78 year old life. As I am struggling to grasp this potential reality and bring reason to a menopausal wife with a delirious mother, I am slowly being convinced that this could be, for a lack of better words, 'fun'. What is more insane, my mother-in-law wants there to be some sort of family/blood connection with the child. Being that their clocks has stopped ticking, I am now the only one who has the ability the spread the seed. As a result, less than a month ago, I found myself sitting on a doctor's table in a paper robe discussing the procedure of creating a child for my near-elderly mother-in-law. After a few weeks of logical thought, we decided that she should just get a Jack Russel terrier."
Roseanne:
"I haven't eaten fast food in years. But I finally decided to have a chicken sandwich from McDonald's and was incredibly pleased with everything but their food. I couldn't believe how well-mannered and courteous the employees were and how clean the bathrooms had been kept. I was even more amazed at how enthusiastic the fry-maker was about his incredibly mundane task. When I ordered my sandwich, the cashier genuinely asked if I would 'like fries and a drink with that', as if it was their first time she was able to ask that question all day."
"If you may or may not know, Jay (or Dave or Conan), I used to work in a fast food restaurant and have recently decided that I would volunteer for a couple days a month at this little Dairy Queen outside of James, Wyoming (or where ever) as the window cashier. I thought I would fit in like the rest of them, but it turns out that I no longer possess the patience or team morale that DQ employees so eloquently exert. None-the-less, I avoid any work and now only stop in to buy an Oreo blizzard at the times I agreed to volunteer. And so they hate me."
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Actually, he's got nothing after he decided to star in Snow Dogs.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
"Liberating the Entrepreneurial Spirit"
John Mackey (CEO and co-founder of Whole Foods Market) and Michael Strong (founder of FLOW) seem to be on to something. Better yet, they are in perfect stride with an image that people have become to adopt as their own. But this so called image is not the product of a couple environmentally conscious, socially aware folk with big ideas and even bigger wallets. It's a result of education, personal growth and a desire for both tangible and intangible authenticity. Maslow almost nailed it, and every religion preaches it, but it is now appearing in the business practice as a marketing tool.
Let's say about 10-15 years ago, organizations used branding and logos to identify their image. From Budweiser, to the "swoosh"--all consumers needed was an identity. Endorsements were huge while naming rights became essential for any recognition. And as brands and labels were slapped on people like they were NASCAR drivers, many products became commodities--hoping to maintain customers through loyalty. Nike t-shirts just had a huge "swoosh" across the front, and Budweiser, as the king, sat upon its throne at every sporting event possible. Unfortunately, the commoditization (is that a word?) of products from these big name companies represented their inability to differentiate from others. Buying beer became like buying milk--whole, light, skim (low-carb) and Nike shirts were just the same as Reebok, Adidas, etc. On top of that, big names were getting in big trouble. Nike had been under investigation for allowing improper working conditions in their factories overseas, resulting in loyal customers boycotting any Nike attire. And Budweiser, though somewhat ethically sound, had underestimated the distributing power of microbreweries--creating a Tiger Woods-like "me versus the field" competition. In a nutshell, that Pepsi/Coke crowd no longer exist. Why? Because saying, "I drink Coke, therefore, I am" is lame.
Consumers now want a real image. A J. Peterman-style story behind their products. Shoes made from recycled materials, coffee beans hand sorted by fair trade Colombian growers, t-shirts designed by real individuals with a limited supply. Better yet, an organization that represents the foundations of your beliefs, as well as paves the path towards self-awareness, community support, and positive life experiences. This is where the liberation of the entrepreneurial spirit is born. The power of economic freedom can be used to create a thoughtful, conscious market in which consumers' desires can positively effect the needs of the community and environment. That being said, how far is an organization willing to project their image? Will individuals be recognized for using alternative transportation? Could a company relate community projects with consumer incentives? Could developers jump on the Alberici bandwagon? We'll see. I'm going fishing.
Let's say about 10-15 years ago, organizations used branding and logos to identify their image. From Budweiser, to the "swoosh"--all consumers needed was an identity. Endorsements were huge while naming rights became essential for any recognition. And as brands and labels were slapped on people like they were NASCAR drivers, many products became commodities--hoping to maintain customers through loyalty. Nike t-shirts just had a huge "swoosh" across the front, and Budweiser, as the king, sat upon its throne at every sporting event possible. Unfortunately, the commoditization (is that a word?) of products from these big name companies represented their inability to differentiate from others. Buying beer became like buying milk--whole, light, skim (low-carb) and Nike shirts were just the same as Reebok, Adidas, etc. On top of that, big names were getting in big trouble. Nike had been under investigation for allowing improper working conditions in their factories overseas, resulting in loyal customers boycotting any Nike attire. And Budweiser, though somewhat ethically sound, had underestimated the distributing power of microbreweries--creating a Tiger Woods-like "me versus the field" competition. In a nutshell, that Pepsi/Coke crowd no longer exist. Why? Because saying, "I drink Coke, therefore, I am" is lame.
Consumers now want a real image. A J. Peterman-style story behind their products. Shoes made from recycled materials, coffee beans hand sorted by fair trade Colombian growers, t-shirts designed by real individuals with a limited supply. Better yet, an organization that represents the foundations of your beliefs, as well as paves the path towards self-awareness, community support, and positive life experiences. This is where the liberation of the entrepreneurial spirit is born. The power of economic freedom can be used to create a thoughtful, conscious market in which consumers' desires can positively effect the needs of the community and environment. That being said, how far is an organization willing to project their image? Will individuals be recognized for using alternative transportation? Could a company relate community projects with consumer incentives? Could developers jump on the Alberici bandwagon? We'll see. I'm going fishing.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Extra! Extra! Extract!
I'll start off by saying that I don't want to start writing about my days at work. That being said, at work today, I happened upon a customer with a question about a product. Eyebrows downward and tight, she questioned an ingredient called Autolyzed Yeast Extract.
"I'm not too familiar with that, but I will try to find someone who may be able to answer your question." I should have a recorder in my pocket whenever I am unsure about a product and just move my lips to see if they will notice. By the way, that sentence will be used more in the next 24 days than it will all year.
After speaking with a few of my superiors, I recovered absolutely no information regarding anything pertaining to the woman's query. She agreed the answer was most likely beyond our common "Nutrition Facts" comprehension and continued shopping. Feeling somewhat fooled and inadequate, I searched high and low, near and far, for this mysterious, mythical potion. And, as it seems, it's found in a lot of potato chips, prepared/pre-cooked meals, as well as in some of those just-add-water type sauces. Quick find? Yes. But there was tons of information, even controversy, over this often used ingredient. It turns out that Autolyzed Yeast Extract can be more commonly known as glutamic acid or MSG (monosodium glutamate). You see, when yeast cells die, they begin a process called autolysis where they divide into proteins, fats, vitamins, minerals, and most importantly, the flavor enhancer MSG. Most people can tolerate the natural doses of MSG in foods such as tomatoes, algae, and mushrooms but there are many people who are sensitive to this flavor flare when in its processed form. So the next time you are shopping the "all natural way" (nothing having to do with a lack of hygienic products or underwear), please be aware that this taste bud bandit may be lurking on the shelf in your favorite foods.
"I'm not too familiar with that, but I will try to find someone who may be able to answer your question." I should have a recorder in my pocket whenever I am unsure about a product and just move my lips to see if they will notice. By the way, that sentence will be used more in the next 24 days than it will all year.
After speaking with a few of my superiors, I recovered absolutely no information regarding anything pertaining to the woman's query. She agreed the answer was most likely beyond our common "Nutrition Facts" comprehension and continued shopping. Feeling somewhat fooled and inadequate, I searched high and low, near and far, for this mysterious, mythical potion. And, as it seems, it's found in a lot of potato chips, prepared/pre-cooked meals, as well as in some of those just-add-water type sauces. Quick find? Yes. But there was tons of information, even controversy, over this often used ingredient. It turns out that Autolyzed Yeast Extract can be more commonly known as glutamic acid or MSG (monosodium glutamate). You see, when yeast cells die, they begin a process called autolysis where they divide into proteins, fats, vitamins, minerals, and most importantly, the flavor enhancer MSG. Most people can tolerate the natural doses of MSG in foods such as tomatoes, algae, and mushrooms but there are many people who are sensitive to this flavor flare when in its processed form. So the next time you are shopping the "all natural way" (nothing having to do with a lack of hygienic products or underwear), please be aware that this taste bud bandit may be lurking on the shelf in your favorite foods.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Raffle Donations From:
Big Shark Bicycle Co. (thanks Mike), Maplewood Bicycle (thanks Patrick), The Touring Cyclist (thanks Greg) REI (thanks Robert/Maura), Bike and Rack Shack (thanks Mike) Rag-O-Rama (thanks Corey), Smoothie King , FREE HAIRCUTS! (thanks Jolee), Mesa Cycles
Monday, November 27, 2006
A Very Happy Cranksgiving
This charity bike ride was the first ever Cranksgiving in St. Louis and I am proud to say, "Mission Accomplished!" (Of course, most of us know that this banner, so to speak, should only be rasied after the fact--whatever though, right?) There were about 40 particpants who pedaled 18 miles to five grocery stores and donated about $450 in non-perishable grocery goods. There were no injuries and only a few bike repairs needed to be made on site. Thanks to Patrick and James as well as all the other guys and gals from Bike Works (click for pics) who helped with event operations. Thanks to the Ebenezer Food Bank for their efforts to continually provide community support and awareness. And thank you very much to the organizations/friends who generously offered their products and services to the raffle. (23 donations totaling over $450!)
Cranksgiving Participants,
Thank you so much for your support and efforts. You have all chosen to contribute a portion of your last day of a holiday vacation to a cause that is often underdone and overlooked after these indulgent holidays. The Ebenezer Food Bank can now sustain another month of service and support for those whom need it most. And it's safe to say that everyone has benefitted from the Cranksgiving ride (B-Works awareness, community growth, corporate outreach, the food bank, and y'alls once clogged pie and gravy arteries). With the help of Bike Works and other organizations, plans are being made to continue to raise awareness through simple, yet effective, charity events.
Thanks again and you are all very freakin' cool.
-Andrew
Cranksgiving Participants,
Thank you so much for your support and efforts. You have all chosen to contribute a portion of your last day of a holiday vacation to a cause that is often underdone and overlooked after these indulgent holidays. The Ebenezer Food Bank can now sustain another month of service and support for those whom need it most. And it's safe to say that everyone has benefitted from the Cranksgiving ride (B-Works awareness, community growth, corporate outreach, the food bank, and y'alls once clogged pie and gravy arteries). With the help of Bike Works and other organizations, plans are being made to continue to raise awareness through simple, yet effective, charity events.
Thanks again and you are all very freakin' cool.
-Andrew
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